Review: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters is the latest installment in a series of parodies published by Quirk Classics – if you haven’t managed to catch the books very successful predecessor, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, you should grab and copy and settle down for a good laugh.

Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters is coauthored by Jane Austen and Ben H. Winters (I use the term “coauthored” loosely, considering how Austen’s been six feet under for quite some time), based on the Victorian classic Sense and Sensibility. The book follows sisters Elinor and Marianne Dashwood, who find themselves on a swashbuckling journey as they travel from familiar Norway to live with their uncle on his island. The sisters find themselves confronted with a slew of deadly sea monsters, which they battle and defeat with trained expedience (even Madame Dashwood has quite the spear arm).

The real kicker of this book, though, wasn’t the radical blend of Austen’s prim characters with the otherwise unlikely human/sea creature wars, but rather Colonel Brandon’s rather unfortunate appearance – Davy Jones would be envious of Alan Rickman’s Mr. Brandon’s magnificently tentacled visage. I’ll admit to being partial to the Colonel in the original S&S, and I was exceedingly curious as to how the romance of the stoic Colonel and fiery Marianne would pan out when cartilage rot was a factor.

Needless to say, the book itself is packed with laughs and it certainly has its moments – the plot deviates a fair bit from the original S&S storyline and launches into a spirited tale of pirates and fearsome sea serpents, weaving in various amusing interactions between Elinor, Edward, Marianne, the Colonel, as well as Willoughby and his pet monkey (and I mean a real monkey, you pervs). Fans of  Pride and Prejudice and Zombies will likely enjoy this book, though reading the original S&S prior will certainly make it a better reading experience.

And to finish off, a number of memorable snippets that might persuade you to give Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters a try:

“Fifteen years! My dear Fanny! Her life cannot be worth half that purchase! Even strong swimmers rarely make it that long, and she’s weak at the hips and knees! I’ve seen her in the bath!”

“Think, John: people always live forever when there is any annuity to be paid them; and old ladies can be surprisingly quick in the water when chased; there is something porpoiselike, I think, in the leathery wrinkliness of their skin.”

~

It was Mrs. Dashwood who acted first, even as the sailors were loading their blunderbusses and the coxwain was pulling the tarpulin of the Ship’s cannon. She grasped a spare oar from its rigging, snapped it twain upon her knee with a swift motion, and plunged the sharp, broken point into the churning sea – piercing the gleaming, deep-set eye of the beast. “Up, mother! Drive it up!” shouted Elinor, and leant hard upon the flattened oar end to push the sharp point into the brain of the sea serpent. The beast relaxed its grip upon the shattered corpse of the bosun’s mate; it pitched; it rolled; and then it was still, floating belly up on the surface of the water, its scales glittering blue and green in the sunlight, blood streaming from the punctured eye.

~

She found, in the event, that [Colonel Brandon's] face was not the only region of his physiognomy that was multi-appendaged, and she found that fact to carry with it certain marital satisfactions.

Overall, an entertaining read. Recommended to anyone interested in a lighthearted spin on Austen’s famous classics.

See also: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Plot/originality: 3/5

Characters: 3.5/5

Writing style: 4/5

Total score: 10.5/15

Review: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is an adaptation of the original classic, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. Oh, but it’s not like those wussy adaptations you’ve seen out there – detailing Elizabeth and Darcy’s married life and whatnot – this one’s a real keeper. Seth Grahame-Smith’s ingenious version includes zombies – that’s right, ZOMBIES. This hilarious alternate universe has Elizabeth and Jane training in swordplay and martial arts as warriors in the struggle against the undead, whilst keeping up reputations in society by attending balls with their sisters and mingling with the townsfolk.

There’s only so much I can say to convince you to grab a copy of your own, so… Snippet, ho!

“You are dancing with the only handsome girl in the room,” said Mr. Darcy, looking at the eldest Miss Bennet.

“Oh! She is the most beautiful creaure I ever beheld! But there is one of her sisters sitting down just behind you, who is very pretty, and I dare say very agreeable.”

“Which do you mean?” and turning around he looked for a moment at Elizabeth, till catching her eye, he withdrew his own and coldly said, “She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me; I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.”

As Mr. Darcy walked off, Elizabeth felt her blood turn cold. She had never in her life been so insulted. The warrior code demanded she avenge her honour. Elizabeth reached down to her ankle, taking care not to draw attention. There, her hand met the dagger concealed beneath her dress. She meant to follow this proud Mr. Darcy outside and open his throat.

But no sooner had she grabbed the handle of her weapon than a chorus of screams filled the assembly hall, immediately joined by the shattering of window panes. Unmentionables poured in, their movements clumsy yet swift; their burial clothing in a range of untidiniess. Some wore gowns so tattered as to render them scandalous; other wore suits so filthy that one would assume they were assembled from little more than dirt and dried blood. Their flesh was in varying degrees of putrefaction; the freshly stricken were slightly green and pliant, whereas the longer dead were grey and brittle – their eyes and tongues long since turned to dust, and their lips pulled back into everlasting skeletal smiles.

A few of the guests, who had the misfortune of being too close to the windows, were seized and feasted on at once. When Elizabeth stood, she saw Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.

As guests fled in every direction, Mr. Bennet’s voice cut through the commotion. “Girls! Pentagram of Death!”

Elizabeth immediately joined her four sisters, Jane, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia in the center of the dance floor. Each girl produced a dagger from her ankle that stood at the tip of an imaginary five-pointed star. From the center of the room, they began stepping outward in unison – each thrusting a razor-sharp dagger with one hand, the other hand modestly tucked in to the small of her back.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are far too many scenes that I love in this book – in particular, my favourite was the epic battle between Elizabeth and Lady Catherine, which had them flying about, ninja-style, as they dueled using nun-chucks and katanas. A close second would be Elizabeth assuming the Crane position in her mano-a-mano battle against a zombie (she actually has her own battle cry!) The fighting scenes had me giggling like a madwoman and actually crying tears of laughter as I progressed through the story. There’s just something inherently amusing about the stark juxtaposition of Victorian era dames and the undead, no?

A highly entertaining spoof of the Jane Austen classic. Recommended!

See also: Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters

Plot/originality: 4/5

Characters: 4.5/5

Writing style: 4/5

Total score: 12.5/15