Review: Clockwork Angel

For those with a masochistic streak running through your veins: this book will undoubtedly satisfy.

I did try to be objective when I picked up Clockwork Angel, the first book of Clare’s newest Infernal Devices trilogy. Let it be known that I kept my mind wide, wide open, despite the fact that I knew it was the prequel to Clare’s craptastic Mortal Instruments trilogy. Writing is a skill that only gets refined with time and practice, eh?

… Well, probably not in Clare’s case. I expected only to be mildly entertained (at most) by her latest foray into urban fantasy. Clockwork Angel, however, was so unimpressive that I may actually have been impressed by how unimpressive it was.

The entire story reads like a very long, convoluted piece of fanfiction with stilted, predictable characters popping up every now and then to remind the readers of their presence. Characterization, in particular, bothered me to no end – while it is apparent that Clare attempted to inject some personality into them by inserting some “witty” repartee here and there, it completely failed to resuscitate the flatlining story. The main character (Tessa Gray) is a blatant Mary Sue that will doubtlessly trick younger, inexperienced readers into “relating” with her predicament. In fact, Clare’s heroines seem to be largely interchangeable; no-one would bat an eyelid if Clary (the protagonist of the shitfest that is The Mortal Instruments trilogy) strolled along and took Tessa’s place.

No one.

Plot-wise… there is little to say other that the fact that it was entirely unremarkable. The story draws on numerous parallels with The Mortal Instruments: Shadowhunters, Downworlders, the Clave,  and so on. The story opens with Tessa being trapped under the instruction of the Dark Sisters, forced to live in prison-like conditions until Will Herondale comes to her rescue. An American girl trapped in Victorian London, Tessa/Clare describes the landscape as droll, dark, grimy… not exactly the most flattering picture, and Clare seems to deliver very forced “English” mannerisms to all her characters. Tessa plays the malleable, self-sacrificing heroine to the snarky (surprise, surprise), dashing hero, and it has to be said that her complete lack of personality serves her well as a cardboard cutout protagonist. Super awesome ability of being able to inhabit ghosts of the past? Check. Self-deprecating “I’m plain and won’t ever be as pretty as the other side characters, but I’m actually too critical of myself” complex? Check. A noble mission? Check. Astonishing heritage? Check (Spoiler time: GET OUT OF HERE SHE’S A WARLOCK)

The plot only gets more convoluted and painful as the story meanders along. One can only imagine the yawn-fest that follows the decidedly uninspiring first chapter (one can only imagine because I refuse to recount every excruciating plot “twist” that Clare whips out), but I will tell you this: it’s one hell of a cure for insomnia. Clare’s pretentious writing style will either have you snoozing or frothing at the mouth.

Do not read. Seriously. Every copy of Clockwork Angel sold will only spur Clare to reach a higher level of mediocrity (if such a thing may be imagined). Remember: Every time someone gushes about how awesome and well-written this book is, a fluffy kitten dies.

See also: City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass

Plot/originality: 1/5

Characters: 1/5

Writing style: 1.5/5

Total score: 3.5/15

Review: Vacations from Hell (anthology)

Cruisin’ by Sarah Mlynowski (4/5)

Sarah Mlynowski is a well-known editor of YA fiction, and some of her books aren’t half bad (give ‘Me Vs. Me’ a try). Cruisin’ was a pleasant surprise and an excellent opening piece for this particular anthology – the story centers around teenaged girl Kristin, who’s on a luxury cruise with best friend Liz and new comrade Hailey. She’s determined to experience her epic ‘first time’ on this cruise, and her friends are only to happy to help. The thing is… there seem to be some disturbing reports of cruise passengers getting drained of all their blood by an unlikely vampiric race.

You’re in for a big surprise at the end – nothing is what it seems, and Mlynowski manages to pull it off beautifully. I never saw it coming.

I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend by Claudia Gray (3.5/5)

I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend focuses on teenage with Cecily, part of a coven of witches that meet yearly at a beach house under the guise of having a group holiday. The thing is, none of the men in the family know about witchcraft, which makes things a little tricky. Throw in some horrible weather, her archnemesis Kathleen, and her seemingly perfect boyfriend Scott, and we’re in for one hell of a vacation.

Fans of Claudia Gray’s Evernight series will certainly appreciate this piece, which is a pleasant foray into other aspects of paranormal fiction (Evernight’s primary focus is on vampirism). The writing flows smoothly and Gray manages to inject her own brand of humor into a light-hearted tale with a twist at the end. Gray’s site reveals that she will be releasing a brand new series, Spellcaster (which will no doubt revolve around witches), so let’s keep our fingers crossed for an early release!

The Law of Suspects by Maureen Johnson (5/5)

Of all the stories in this anthology, I;d have to say that The Law of Suspects creeped me out the most. Maureen Johnson certainly knows how to work her magic with historical mysteries (if you haven’t already, you need to pick up Johnson’s YA, albeit, non-paranormal Girl at Sea for a captivating read) - The Law of Suspects had me on the edge of my seat for most of it.

Johnson spins a madcap, thrilling adventure with compulsive liar Charlotte (“Charlie”) and her sister, Marie-Louise (“MaryLou”), who find themselves in a remote French village as their vacation plans go awry. The village seems all but boring until Charlie runs into Henri, a strange man with even stranger intentions as he relays to her an oddly unsettling story that she soon relays to her sister. The thing is, what Charlie doesn’t know is that the story is none other than the Law of Suspects, a deadly tale that threatens to turn people into homicidal maniacs driven by the impulse to kill the people around them, before taking their own lives. And now, Charlie and MaryLou’s lives hang in the balance as they must figure out how to deal with a rifle-wielding Henri and hunky Frenchman Gerard as the curse runs its toll.

The bone-chilling conclusion will leave you wanting more.

The Mirror House by Cassandra Clare (2.5/5)

I didn’t enjoy The Mirror House as much as I did the others in this anthology, to be honest. The Mirror House tells a tale about Violet and her adjustments to her mother’s new marriage to Philip, an abusive, cold man as they all journey to the tropics on their honeymoon. To make things more complicated, Violet’s got a thing for her new stepbrother, Evan, and their romantic involvement makes the holiday very, very awkward.

Things take a turn for the worse when the two stepsiblings encounter Anne Palmer, a mysterious woman who seems to have gotten her claws into Evan and is quite literally, sucking the life force out of him. Needless to say, Violet jumps to the rescue by offering a trade – her cruel stepdad Philip in return for Evan’s soul back.

I found the plot a little contrived at times, with the story flow a tad stilted and predictable – nothing I wouldn’t have seen coming. The “romance” between Evan and Violet seemed a little unnecessary and nothing short of weird (I snorted aloud when I came upon Evan’s new “bruised” appearance; I guess old habits die hard in Clare’s case), and I couldn’t really bring myself to feel any sort of compassion for poor Evan as sadist Violet chose to withhold his soul at the end.

Nowhere is Safe by Libba Bray (3/5)

Nowhere is Safe was a fair read, though my interest waned midway while reading the story. Libba Bray (author of the Gemma Doyle series) tells it from the perspective of Poe Yamamoto, a half-asian, heterochromic guy that runs into some seriously bad news whilst vacationing with his closest friends in Europe. The four decide to head offroad to Necuratul, the Town of the Dead. Unbeknownst to them, the old legends surrounding the cursed town aren’t exactly legends…

The reason, I think, that Nowhere is Safe failed to inspire the chills Bray was shooting for is possibly the way she attempted to fit to many things into the story at one go instead of building up from a single point. The plot itself had promise, with the interactions between most of the characters being lively and believable (I had some real issues with Mrs. Smith, the unlikely fortune-teller). However, the writing began to fall flat when the action started to kick in. The inconclusive, open ending which I assume was intended to thrill simply left a sense of dissatisfaction in the pit of my stomach.

Review: City of Glass

City of Glass is the third and final book to the Mortal Instruments Trilogy, released in early 2009. Time to break out that champagne if you actually made it this far.

The plot in City of Glass flows marginally better than in the previous books – the majority of loose ends are tied up nicely. Revelations abound here: Clary discovers she and Jace have angel blood in them, Alec and Magnus come out of the closet, Clary reunites with her mother, and the dynamic duo finally discover that they’re not blood siblings, though she does end up snogging her actual brother, Sebastian (d’oh!) when he tries to sway her to his side. Valentine’s evil plans are foiled by plucky heroine and her angsty beau – whoa, did anyone see that coming?

Characterization hit an all time low here. Jace, in particular, seemed oddly determined to cultivate a consumptive sort of appearance (which may or may not parallel your intelligence slowly wasting away as you trudge along the story). I enclose snippets so that you may judge for yourself:

“The black sweater he was wearing only made his bruise-marked skin stand out more, and the dark lashes, too; he was a study in contrasts, something to be painted in shades of black, white, and gray…”

“His skin was drained of all color, showing the dark rings around his eyes.”

“He half-closed his eyes. There were crescents of gray shadow under them, she saw, the remnants of sleepless nights.”

“He looked tired. There were shadows under his eyes, and his pale gold hair was untidy.”

And much, much more. I only caught these through skimming – imagine if I actually went through this book with a fine-toothed comb! There’d be no end to this review.

Clare’s writing style remains unchanged in this final installment of the Mortal Instruments Trilogy. Dialogue falls flat in the midst of mounds and mounds of terminology and a largely predictable plotline (though Sebastian’s true identity was a nice twist in the story). A few amusing moments here and there, but nothing that would make you laugh out loud. The ending had me feeling so utterly ambivalent that I had to switch on a graphic horror movie to check if my emotional circuits were still functioning properly.

But alas, all things must come to an end. Savour that sense of dissatisfaction in the pit of your belly as you turn the last page, and gaze mutinously at the person next to you with a “wtf?” expression on your face. Yes, that is the expression you must bear when you stray to the dark side and purchase a book just because you think the cover art is pretty. Now go, journey forth! Cast this book into the fires of Mount Doom, and let us never speak of it again.

See also: City of Bones, City of Ashes

Plot/originality: 3.5/5

Characters: 2.5/5

Writing style: 2/5

Total score: 8/15

Review: City of Ashes

City of Ashes is the second and rather dismal book in the Mortal Instruments Trilogy by Cassandra Clare. The sequel picks off where City of Bones ended, launching the reader facefirst into Valentine (a watered down version of Lord Voldemort) Morgenstern’s evil plans to take over the world. I… did not see that one coming. I was also struck with a sense of déjà vu at this point, upon realizing that the whole thing smelled like a poorly-rendered version of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

By this point, Clary and Jace have moved into phase 2 of their newfound sibling relationship – the part where all propriety goes out the window in favour of their budding sexual attraction. I’m sure we all know what that’s like, eh? Clary hooks up with Simon in early parts of the story, but it’s obvious that the relationship isn’t going to last, if her constant pining for Jace is of any indication. Jace reprises his role as maladjusted blond antihero, who spends the better half of his day coming up with witty barbs to hide the broken and lonely child inside. As a result, no one gets together with who they really want, and the vicious carousel of unrequited love is complete. Clare makes it a point to dispense liberal amounts of angst and wallowing to all of these characters, effectively turning Simon (who used to be the most tolerable of the bunch) into an emo, whinging bitch, and subsequently, an emo, whinging vampire.

There was an excess of unnecessary side characters, most of which were cliché with tedious backstories to follow. Maia, a werewolf in Luke’s pack, had a particularly cringe-worthy personal history that had me frantically skipping pages in an effort to keep my eyes from burning out of their sockets. Clare attempts to inject modern youth culture into numerous parts of the story, alluding to “hip” shiznits like Naruto manga and anime. These references only reinforced the impression that I was reading a piece of crappy fanfiction printed off the internet.

City of Ashes ended up being a total snore fest for me, despite all the blurbs singing its praises (considering how I actually paid money to read this crap, I was not at all amused). Clare obviously enjoys playing up Jace’s “hotness” – note the quotation marks – to an extent that almost every time he takes the scene, “bruises” and “shadows” seem to highlight the contrast of his pale, pale skin and fair golden locks. It is quite possible that no other fictional character in existence has been described in as much excruciating detail as Jace Wayland has - I wouldn’t have batted an eyelash if Clare chose to elaborate on the number and density of pubic hairs hidden under his tight leather pants. (Hey, it could happen.)

The book’s primary weakness lies in its lack of focus. Attempts to combine and stitch together elements of paranormal realms with weakly-defined characters rendered the story messy and poorly written. Witty repartee was lost amidst the convoluted, predictable plot devices, making this an exceedingly dull read.

See also: City of Bones, City of Glass

Plot/originality: 2/5

Characters: 2/5

Writing style: 2/5

Total score: 6/15

Review: City of Bones

I’ll admit I was a tad apprehensive when I decided to pick up this book – for those unfamiliar with Cassandra Clare’s history, she was a popular writer of fanfiction in the Harry Potter fandom before she became a published author. Most of my apprehension stemmed from the controversies surrounding her then-famous Draco Trilogy (written under the penname Cassandra Claire), which came under heavy fire for plagiarism. You can read about the plagiarism debacle here.

City of Bones is the first book in the Mortal Instruments Trilogy revolving around 15 year old Clary Fray, a seemingly ordinary girl living in New York. All this changes when she runs into Shadowhunter Jace Wayland at a nightclub, catalyzing a chain of baffling events that includes Clary getting attacked by a demon worm/centipede in her house,  her best friend Simon turning into a potential carrier of the bubonic plague,  and other exciting events one can only imagine transpiring (one can only imagine because I’m not going to reread the book again. The plot was, for the most part, forgettable, tedious, and entirely unremarkable.) Oh, and Clary and Jace? They’re siblings. I smell a Star Wars spin-off in the works!

Incest aside, Simon, Clary, and Jace form a love triangle of sorts -  if a convoluted, rusty scalene triangle might be imagined. Probably not. Simon’s unrequited love for Clary is both amusing and uncomfortable (as are all unrequited loves, really) but the real winners here are Clary and Jace, who manage to exude manic levels of sexual attraction most uncommon for two people who recently discover that they share the same X chromosome.  As for the side characters, I found them too flat to be of any interest whatsoever. Despite attempts to endear superfluous characters like Isabelle and Alec to the audience (making Alec a homo only made him more annoying than anything else), they remained largely two-dimensional for most of the story.

And the make or break of this review: Mary Sue haters, beware! Jace plays the perfect, tortured Gary Stu to Clary’s Mary Sue, and the time will soon come when you will have to decide for yourself who you want to stab in the face more.

While the book had its witty moments, some of the jibes seemed a little contrived and over-rehearsed. The book borrows too many elements from other paranormal/sci fi fiction realms to be considered truly original in concept. And if you’re not a fan of the typical “heroine has speshul powers and everyone falls in love with her as she saves the day” genre, this book definitely isn’t for you.

See also: City of Ashes, City of Glass

Plot/originality: 2/5

Characters: 2/5

Writing style: 3/5

Total score: 7/15